she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
