I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
