I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
