pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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