I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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