I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
