Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize