I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize