we have pet lesbian snakes
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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