I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
