final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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