people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
my shit smells like andre
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
