the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
