this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
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We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.