Ketchup is God's man juice
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap