Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong