I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.