batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.