Texts From Last Night

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  (315): View more from New York

  the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.

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  (315): the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time. http://tfl.nu/zyda
  Replies (19) Good night (5628) Bad night (785)
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  (607): View more from New York

  he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.

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  (607): he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom. http://tfl.nu/mpyr
  Replies (21) Good night (1005) Bad night (4034)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.

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  (614): Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid. http://tfl.nu/mefj
  Replies (38) Good night (7589) Bad night (1275)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke

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  (859): So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke http://tfl.nu/0mgq
  Replies (8) Good night (2251) Bad night (1265)
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  (949): View more from California

  you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one

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  (949): you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one http://tfl.nu/7gmu
  Replies (10) Good night (6112) Bad night (1448)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  it's a Wednesday?

  (419): View more from Ohio

  :)

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  (419): I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone. (1-419): it's a Wednesday? (419): :) http://tfl.nu/grqr
  Replies (4) Good night (3129) Bad night (927)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch

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  (812): You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch http://tfl.nu/d9ik
  Replies (3) Good night (1592) Bad night (437)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night

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  (703): Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night http://tfl.nu/l617
  Replies (3) Good night (532) Bad night (1714)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?

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  (254): when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger? http://tfl.nu/g708
  Replies (13) Good night (1149) Bad night (498)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

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  (720): Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober. http://tfl.nu/o1fz
  Replies (1) Good night (1019) Bad night (433)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.

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  (513): These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours. http://tfl.nu/mjj7
  Replies (2) Good night (929) Bad night (354)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.

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  (360): I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina. http://tfl.nu/nx7q
  Replies (12) Good night (790) Bad night (402)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.

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  (917): That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies. http://tfl.nu/z8d5
  Replies (7) Good night (849) Bad night (310)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.

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  (612): I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises. http://tfl.nu/ns4w
  Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (273)
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  (818): View more from California

  I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.

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  (818): I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish. http://tfl.nu/82ma
  Replies (3) Good night (369) Bad night (689)

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