I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
