final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
