I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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