Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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