did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
