and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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