dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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