There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we're making bets on your personal life
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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