ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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