My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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