can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
