If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
