there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
