I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
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He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
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Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
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