just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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