I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Come on in and take your pants off
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