piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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