Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
