did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
