and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
