It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
