and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Everything about him screamed your future.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
