i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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