I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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