I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
