everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
