my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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