I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
