Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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