this beer tastes like vomit already
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
