with your own penis?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
