I just pynch a tree in the face
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
