I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
