You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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