worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
