I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
