Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
