I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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