You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
