So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
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I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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