When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I am spending my child support on dildos
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
