No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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