i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize