So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
